I often forget the Lord is my strength. I'm too busy trying to be strong. I'm scoping out the path, trying to figure out how I'm going to climb those mountains, move those boulders.
Sometimes I watch my little daughters dancing, princess gowns on backward, a scarf tied around a little head as flowing long hair, feet clapping against the flooring. Their moves are anything but graceful, but they don't care.
They are enjoying the dance.
They don't care how they look. They don't care if anyone is watching.
There once was a girl who loved to leap and dance and twirl. She loved wrapping herself in blankets as make-do dresses. She loved to sing at the top of her lungs songs she made up.
And then she grew up. She stopped dancing.
And then she had kids. She had four little girls who reminded her that God must delight in watching His daughters dance and twirl, leap and spin, sing and rejoice.... like no one else is watching.
Singing and dancing to the one who is my strength, like a deer bounding here and there, leaping from one ledge to another. My focus on my Savior, rather than myself.
And I realize that the reason I so often repeat, "I can't" to myself (about any given thing) is because I'm busy looking at myself, but when I'm looking at my Father, nothing seems impossible. A giant leap is but a small step in His direction.
I've come to use that phrase often. Enjoy the dance. This is our dance, God and me, where the Lord has me right now. Often I'm panicking or fighting Him or trying to run away. I'm worried what people think or what it looks like... and all the time I'm resisting the One who is leading me.
Stop. Mandy, enjoy the dance.
This morning, as I stood in front of the bathroom sink, looking at myself in the mirror, heart heavy, I felt like He was saying, "Why are you looking around You for approval and love?"
The Lord is my strength.
He's my strength to stay free.
To stay focused.
To dance this crazy, awesome dance.
I may know He's my strength in the big impossibilities, but often I forget that really, my life is full of impossibilities without Him. Without Him, I'm left to look for love, approval, value, and meaning around me. It's impossible for me to enjoy right here, right now, without His strength, without His love. Without Him, my high places depend on how I'm feeling on any given day and whether it's a "good day" by my own standard.
I want to be in this dance. I want to press into my Savior. Where you go I go, Lord. I want to be in step with His Holy Spirit. I want to be so focused on Him, that it doesn't even occur to me to look anywhere else.