Thursday, October 6, 2016

Walking Wounded

"People don't mind doing CPR on a crisis victim, but no person is equipped to be the constant lifeline to another." -Lysa Terkeurst, Uninvited

These words slam me hard.  Oh man. I've been on all sides of that. The crisis victim, the person administering CPR, and the panicked gal in constant need of an oxygen mask.

I believe the Lord is calling me to let people go. To let them go in my heart. This thing in me that is so needy for people, rather than totally dependent on Him.  He needs to be the One who steadies me. I've been walking around so needy, expecting people to rush to me and help me, to know I was a mess, to fix me.

Walking wounded.

I can't do that anymore.
I can't keep seeking approval outside of Jesus Christ. I'm not just saying I shouldn't... I'm saying, "I can't." It's wearing me out. It's wearing me down.  It's what feeds my depression. I can't do it anymore.

What if... what if I seek only Him.
What if I let everything else die?
What if I let everything else go?
Can I even do that?

Will my whole world come crashing down?
Will I lose it all?
What if I try to save it all and lose my soul?

What if I really let go?
What if I fall into His arms, and I look only at His face?
What if I let my heart's focus on pleasing God alone?
And I let everything else fall.

There's a feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I will lose it all.
Am I willing to lose it all?
Am I willing to forsake it all?
Am I willing to make Christ my One Thing?
Am I willing to lay down all the things I've used as lifelines, and let Him alone be my life? My whole life?